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How to become an accidental carer
‘Do you know where you’re going? I can guide you. ‘I’m number eighteeeeeen, right at the top, in the corner.’ She always said it in exactly the same way, as if she found comfort in it. I rolled my eyes and smiled behind my mask at the back of the taxi. All the drivers knew
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Thank Goodness For The Mute Button
I am one of those (annoying?) people who love their job. I work in PR for a technology company. It is always very busy with several projects happening at the same time, a constant flow of emails coming in at all hours of the day from all over the world, and many online meetings to
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If you don’t like it, rename it!
As time went on, and the pandemic eased, I realised I needed a little bit of help to manage my demanding job and my caring duties (as explained in my previous blog here). There wasn’t much, if any, help available from the local council or the UK’s National Health Service (NHS) so I started looking
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Lost in Shanghai
Stay curious – and travel! My grandma loves to travel, before the pandemic, she’d make the trip to France a few times a year to see my dad. In her 80s, she’d finally conceded she needed a wheelchair to navigate check in and the long walk from the departure lounge to the aircraft. She had
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Age Old Question
‘You’re 98?!’ said the plumber, surprised, as he was fixing the kitchen sink. A wide smile of delight spread across my grandma’s face. She always loves when people are surprised at just how old she is. ‘So what’s the secret then?’ he asked. Oh, here we go, I thought. ‘Well, I always say: olive oil,
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Gratitude and the NHS – the great silencing power
Politicians have understood the silencing powers of gratitude and use it as a shield to not fix the system. We all clapped for the NHS during the COVID-19 pandemic, but didn’t make plans to improve the system, pay doctors more, or hire more nurses.
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Close calls and Glasgow Scores
‘Right. But I called precisely at 8 and my grandmother can’t breath for coughing. What do I do?’ I heard a deep sigh from the other end of the phone and then: ‘Let me check again.
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No Netflix, No Chill
And now with some language, and bloody images of death, here is Vera… said the TV announcer. ‘Oh good!’ Said grandma, clasping her hands together in delight. ‘Come on, let’s have a body!’
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Who cares for the carer?
All this is very depressing, isn’t it? Let me leave you with a different perspective: caring is the ultimate act of love. Us unpaid carers show up everyday, without fail, and show love through what we do – however tough it may be. In this case, actions really do speak louder than words.
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What’s in a title?
I didn’t know I was a carer. Sounds weird doesn’t it? I never considered what I do and my current life situation had a title.
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Unnecessary arse checking
‘I’m here to check your haemorrhoids.’ The nurse said in a cheerful tone. ‘Haemorrhoids! I don’t have haemorrhoids!’ Said grandma indignantly.
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Why don’t you just leave?
‘Why don’t you just leave?’ Said my friend as she sat down. My heart sank at that question. I was going to have to explain my unique situation for the umpteenth time.
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Secret (Sewing) Squirrel
After my annoyance had waned, I found the whole (pardon the pun) thing quite amusing. We did have to keep a close eye on grandma’s sewing attempts from then on and be sure to tell her when something was fashionable versus in need of repair.
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Operation Fear
How the bloody hell does this thing work?! I was wrestling with a complicated looking inhaler that had just been delivered, the instructions were rudimentary and I couldn’t figure them out. I could hear grandma’s rattling breath in the other room.
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Whine and dine
She doesn’t know this, but she eats most of the foods she has an irrational hatred of, despite never having tried them. I hear some of the tactics I use are similar to that of cooking for fussy toddlers, I’ll let you be the judge of that.
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Quick, relax!
On behalf of all carers who get told to relax and look after themselves: ‘WE KNOOOOOOOW!’ but for reasons listed above, it is harder for us than most. Also, *please* stop saying that.
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Rise of the (Coffee) Machine
‘And for security reasons, can you tell me the month and year of your birth?’ Said the professionally pleasant voice of the British Gas employee. ‘February 1925’ I answered. There was a pause ‘Sorry, could you repeat please?’ Said the operator, sounding confused. ‘February 1925.’ I repeated. ‘Sorry, you just sound so young!’
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Cyber silver linings
‘Yes. I must ask him what he’s been shopping for next week. I’ve taken a few parcels from him recently and they’re all from the rainforest! Whatever could he be buying?!’ ‘The rainforest? What are you talking about?’ I asked, confused. ‘Yes, it says amazon on the parcels!’
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Do Unto Oldies As You Would Have Them Do Unto You
The NHS is 75 years old this year, fittingly – it is like a lot of UK’s ageing population, on its knees, unable to get the help it needs, with unpaid carer bearing the brunt of it.
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Impatient patient
‘Breathe!’ I said for the millionth time. My grandma opened her eyes and took a breath. ‘OOOH!’ She complained in a high pitched voice. This little routing happens every morning. After helping her shower, I put hydrating cream on her face and legs. I’m not hurting her but she screws up her face as if…
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So much for being a hero
Sometimes, I can’t stand my grandmother. Yes, you read that right. Be warned, I’m about to get very honest. Read on if you dare and make your judgement of me at the end of this post.
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Punishingly Good Deed
Then suddenly, your life changes, with no warning. Maybe your partner becomes seriously ill, maybe your child has a devastating accident, or your parent is diagnosed with a dilapidating disease. This news hits you hard and you have no choice but to stop working to care for your loved one. I know this is uncomfortable,…
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Horse Power
In this situations, I like to keep the conversation on the guests who inevitably have more interesting lives than I do; their stories remind me of the life I am I missing and the passion I am not pursuing. Plus I enjoyed having conversations with people closer to me in age, who can hear things…
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I don’t have time to live
Essentially, I don’t have time to live. I exist, that’s all I have time for. At 35, the burden of my caring responsibilities have cost me everything apart from my job.
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Number Eighteen, in the corner 