I didn’t know I was a carer. Sounds weird doesn’t it? I never considered what I do and my current life situation had a title.
Until very recently, I would introduce myself as a granddaughter who lived with her 98 year old grandmother and looked after her. I never added it was mainly because the social care system in the UK is non-existent – it felt a bit full on for a first meeting.
On a daily basis, I am her butler, nurse, cleaning lady, companion, cook, and her eyes (she has very poor eyesight so I also act as her guide granddaughter). I’m also very occasionally her boss and more regularly the wine police. None of those things are ‘titles’, and I never thought what I was doing for her constituted an official status.
Until I fell into an online rabbit hole one evening, as my grandma watched an episode of her favourite TV detective show I’d seen umpteen times, and ended up on the Carers UK website. I read some of their featured carer stories and it slowly dawned on me that I, too, am a carer. An unpaid one at that.
The importance of a title
At face value, the discovery that I am officially an unpaid carer doesn’t change much. It doesn’t change my day to day life or make it any easier.
But it matters.
It matters because I discovered a community of people who, through a unique set of circumstances, have had to give up their lives to care for others. Reading their stories made me realise I’m not alone, a very comforting thought in the lonely world of a carer. I can relate to those people, which makes me feel less isolated. Being a carer is a very depersonalising experience and simply knowing there are others in the same situation as you, that can relate to your struggles makes me feel better.
It matters because I found information on my situation and resources that could help. I found out there are about 5 million unpaid carers in the UK and that we save the NHS the equivalent of £162 billion (yes, billion) per year. For comparison, the NHS’s budget is £164 billion. Staggering. I also found out a new law has just been passed, the Carer’s Leave Act, which will require all employers in England, Scotland and Wales to provide five days of carer’s leave for their employees who are also unpaid carers – like me.
Finally, it matters because having an official designation also gives me a sense of worth for the work I do. I also feel ‘seen’ and recognised for the sacrifice I have made. There are people out there who care for us, about what happens to us, even at a distance, that is truly meaningful.
I am still my grandmother’s butler, cook, wine police officer and can add unpaid carer to that list. I now know I am part of a silent but (literally) vital army, I don’t know who these carers are but I am happy to have joined their ranks.
This week is carers week in the UK. If some of this resonated with you or if you think someone you know might be in a similar situation, then please share this blog and the following links so they can get information, support, and be recognised for the work they do.
Number Eighteen, in the corner 