I’m bored. I’m so bored. As bored as bored can be. Yes, I’m stressed, busy, and my shoulder still hurts but after weeks of solid groundhog day-ing I’m thoroughly tired of everything.

Can you be bored and stressed? Maybe I mean I’m uninspired? The drudgery of my everyday life is getting to me and I’m not interested in anything. This is rare for me as I usually find most things spark my interest. I will watch a documentary on anything and love learning new facts. But this week, I simply can’t be bothered. I do what I have to do with no enthusiasm.

I don’t even want to eat, I cook for grandma but barely eat for myself. I have no appetite and every recipe idea I usually enjoy sounds dull to me. It is like I live in a numb bubble. A bored bubble if you will. Constant caring sucks the life out of you, and you become a shell of your former self. Things that used to matter to me don’t as much anymore, or things that would make me angry don’t trigger me. Even writing the overused-by-social-media-influencers word ‘trigger’ has no effect on me. (Apologies for using it dear reader, I’ll do better in the next blog ).

The thing about being busy and having an endless caring and working to-do list is that you don’t have time to think, that time is usually when I get an idea or will think of something to look up, read or listen to when I grandma is having her post-lunch wine nap at the weekend. Time to think is crucial for me, as an anxious over-thinker, but it is also my (very small) super power. I can usually come up with an idea a minute or a creative story angle for work, which is handy as that’s a big part of my job. It is that creativity that keeps me inspired and interested in making an effort to stay engaged with life outside of my job and caring, even though I’m exhausted.

Being a carer means you can’t do what you love. A hobby or something you find fun. That’s important to stay inspired. That something is horse riding for me but I have no time to do it. I do walk by a field of horses on my early morning pre-work walks, perhaps a chat and a cuddle with a friendly pony will help me get my mojo back. Horses are great listeners.