Self-care as a carer – tricky business. It is very complicated but not impossible. Before the unpaid carers reading this roll their eyes and stop reading, let me qualify what I mean. A carer’s definition of self care is different. We never get enough sleep (some days not at all), we don’t have time to brush our hair or eat, and sometimes can’t even go to the loo when we need to.

I’m talking about little daily habits that I try to prioritise to keep me somewhat sane, and looking like a human. Most of these habits don’t involve leaving the house and can be done as part of the constant multitasking all carers do.

• Skin care: I’ve become a tad obsessed with it. I have developed quite an extensive moisturising routine and I love all things that have collagen in them. My daily habit is to put on under eye patches early in the morning as I go about getting grandma up, ready, fed, and medicated. They are probably useless but they make me feel more awake, require no thought, and I love their ridiculous marketing.
• Walking: This is my only habit that necessitates leaving the house. I always walk round the (usually muddy) fields once grandma is settled, before I start work. I take a flask of tea with me and those 20 or 30 minutes are the best of my day, it usually goes downhill from there. (Yes, I have taken my eye patches off by then.)
• Tea/coffee: Mostly decaf and although I have to reheat my drink at least once because I can never finish it before something happens, I love the warmth of it. On the rare occasions I go into town, a posh coffee is a must. It also gives grandma a place to sit and rest while I sip and people watch.
• Sobbing: I highly recommend it. I sit and silently sob at least a few times a week, several times a day on bad days. I let out all the stress, anxiety and frustration, mop myself up and get back to work and caring feeling a little calmer. Sobbing is self care too, ya know.
• Texting: I text a lot, when you’re as isolated and lonely as I am, any contact is vital and takes me out of my own head for a moment. Calls are also wonderful but have to be scheduled, so are usually reserved for my more organised friends.
• Pilates: If I have 20 minutes after work, I’ll do a quick workout. Stretching feels good, but I do mute the over-enthusiastic and perfectly-formed instructors in the YouTube videos. I don’t need to hear their cheers of ‘good jawb’. I’m too irritable for that.
• Podcasts: I need to keep my brain engaged as a carer as I mostly live the same on repeat. Juicy podcasts are great to listen to when cleaning, doing laundry, or sorting pills. I’ll give any of them a listen so let me know of any recommendations in the comments. (If you’re looking for a good podcast, I recommend you give the one I co-host a listen: https://feeds.captivate.fm/care-fully-considered/.)

My final act of self care is to give myself some grace from time to time. I have a tendency to beat myself up when things don’t go right. In these moments, I try to remember that I am doing my best in this hard and unrelenting job with no help, support, or training.

I try to be disciplined about these habits because they’re just for me. They remind me that I also deserve time for myself and love. Since both those things have to come from me, my nightly four-step skincare routine is about more than a futile attempt to keep my fine lines at bay.