Tag: christmas

Centenarian cheer

Dec 18th, 2025

Is it me or is everything a bit gloomy at the moment? It feels like there is more bad news everyday, the weather has been broadly dreadful across the UK, and up North, we haven’t seen the sun for a few weeks. Luckily, I live with and care for an unintentionally comedic centenarian and collect her (publishable) funny moments to share in these moments. I hope some of these make you smile.

—

‘ So who will it be between Louise and Abbey, grandma?‘ I asked, during a quiz show final.

‘CHRISTINE!’ She shouted with her fist in the air.

–

‘I’ll Google if I can make the pastry the day before.’ I said, looking down at my phone.

‘Who will you ring? Who is Google?’ Grandma quickly answered, sounding anxious at the mention of technology.

‘No… never mind…’ I said, not wanting to have to re-explain the concepts of the internet, search engines, and smart phones.

–

‘People don’t have wrinkles like they used to anymore.’ Grandma said pensively, as I was in the middle of her daily moisturising routine.

‘It’s called Botox grandma.‘

–

‘Why are you changing to go to Rochdale?‘ Said grandma, puzzled.

‘I don’t want to look too much like a tramp.’

‘Well, most of the folk down there will, you’ll fit right in!’

Funny and true.

–

‘Right- Christmas cards- who do we start with?’ Internally arming myself with patience at this yearly tedious process.

‘Freda.’ Said grandma, with her head resting on the back of her chair, concentrating.

‘Who is Freda?’ I asked, ready to flick through the address book.

‘I used to work with her years ago. She died recently.’

‘So why the hell are we sending her a card?!’ I said, instantly losing the patience I had just summoned.

–

‘Do you want some more wine grandma?’ I said, as I was preparing lunch on a Saturday.

‘Silly question, what would you say if I said no?’

‘I’d call an ambulance!’ I answered, as I poured her a second glass.

–

‘Maureen at lunch club today wasn’t feeling well. She’s just been diagnosed with Parkinson’s. I told her you make me take a spoonful of honey and two dates every morning, and she should try that.’ Said grandma as I was taking her coat off.

‘Not sure it will cure her Parkinson’s but well done on spreading the word.’ I giggled.

—
It’ll do

Dec 5th, 2025

‘Well, the tree is up. Can you see it, grandma?‘

‘No, I can only see some of the lights on it.‘ Grandma answered from her chair, looking cosy in her favourite blanket.

‘It doesn’t look great, I’m not very good at trees and decorations.’ I sighed.

‘It doesn’t matter, it’ll do!‘

‘Yup… it’ll do. That’s the spirit grandma!‘ I giggled.

I’ve been thinking about that recently, I hate to admit it, but I think she’s right. Sometimes, things may not be perfect but they’ll do. This feeling goes against every fibre of my perfectionist being, but I’m learning to accept it… for some things. I run a tight ship by necessity to juggle my busy job with my intense caring role and getting things ticked off my various to-do lists gives me the satisfaction of a job well done – a rare dopamine hit.

As Christmas fast approaches and festive tasks appear on my list, a feeling of intense tiredness creeps up. I’m not a Grinch, I love this time of year but, like many carers, I only enjoy it from a distance – I don’t have parties and friendly catch ups to attend (and couldn’t go anyway) . The extra christmassy things to do are just that, extra work that I’m meant to enjoy doing and get into the festive spirit. I guess I might if I wasn’t already exhausted.

As I think about all the things I need to do, I try to remember that it doesn’t matter too much if some of them drop down the priority list, or aren’t done perfectly. As long as the basics are covered and grandma is well looked after, a dodgy-looking tree, missing decorations, a fuller-than-usual-laundry basket, or even a few weeks without a blog aren’t important.

As a festive treat to us carers, let’s give ourselves a break. Most of us can’t take a real one but maybe we can gift ourselves some grace and learn to be OK with some jobs not being done, or not being done to perfection. As the end of the year looms, I feel more tired than ever and my body is struggling to cope too; I’ve had a lot of stress-related symptoms flare up recently from a painful lower back and painfully tight jaw, to stress-induced rashes to name just a few. I feel us carers need to conserve our energy to make it to the end of year, because only the promise of more work, worry, and exhaustion awaits us in 2026.

I’m told the issue with my tree is the multi coloured lights, warm white ones would make it classier, I agree but … it’ll do!
It doesn’t have to be this hard

Dec 18th, 2023

I’ve never been good at wrapping Christmas presents. I try my best but I’m not very dextrous and don’t have the patience to create the perfect package. This year, this fiddly task was made even more tricky as I was multitasking. I watched the BBC’s documentary on caring, ‘The Issue’, while fighting with sellotape and wrapping paper.

The documentary follows two families fighting to get the care their sons need, and are entitled to. Their struggles are all to common for unpaid carers around the country: they fight the system for months or years to get assessed, (if they’re lucky) receive a care package to be funded by the NHS, that contract is then outsourced to a care company who doesn’t have the staff to fulfil the contract. So the families, and in most cases the women ( a mother and stepmother in the documentary), provide the vast majority of the round-the-clock care their loved ones need. Unpaid, untrained and completely abandoned.

‘It doesn’t have to be this hard.‘ tearfully said one of the mothers featured. That stopped me in me in rage-wrapping tracks. I teared up (it doesn’t take much these days) she is right. It shouldn’t be this hard. There is a system in place, we pay taxes to fund this – so why is it this difficult? Why are so many families abandoned picking the slack the government should provide but doesn’t?

I think it comes down to a few things, caring and carers (paid and unpaid) are not valued. They’re seen as undesirable and low-skilled occupations, when they should be answering emails for eight hours a day at a desk to make profits for a faceless corporation. That’s a ‘proper’ job. This view is fuelled by our increasingly individualistic society, helping anyone other than yourself is seen as weak, unproductive, and detrimental – even if the person in question can’t feed themselves.

It is uncomfortable to think about; nobody wants to think about getting old or sick. They’d rather bury their heads in the sand and fool themselves into thinking they’ll be able to deal with it when it comes. They won’t. You won’t. There is no help. You will get no help. There are only three types of people in the world: unpaid carers, soon-to-be-unpaid carers, and people requiring care. I implore you – if you’re reading this and fall into the second and third categories- PLEASE make a plan (if you’re already an unpaid carer, you’re likely too exhausted or trapped to plan). Start a savings account- private care can costs thousands of pounds a month, enquire about private caring companies in your area, have uncomfortable family discussions about your wishes (isn’t that what happens at Christmas anyway? At least it will be productive awkwardness.), find out what healthcare services are available in your vicinity.

Social care and the National Health Services are a mess, they’re inefficient at best and dangerous at worst. They are also a political minefield, politicians are not known for their bravery, so they class unpaid carers as ‘volunteers’ and move on. Much easier than to actually try and fix the issues in the system. We need to get angry, do away with British politeness (very unhelpful in this situation) and get this on politicians’ agendas. By writing to MPs, asking questions, supporting charities. Not easy but will benefit us all in the long run.

I realise this isn’t a very festive post, the crumpled presents under the tree are a testament to the anger I feel over this.

I’ll leave you with this Mariah Carey-inspired request: all I want for Christmas is for you to watch this documentary: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0gxptwh/the-issue-fighting-for-our-sons-care

For readers outside of the UK, read the associated article here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-67691453
Carer’s Christmas list

Dec 11th, 2023
Dear Father Christmas,

I haven’t written to you since I was 6 or 7 years old. I disproved your existence with basic maths and some carrots – long story.
I’m writing to you in the hope my maths was wrong. I’ve been very good this year, I have done everything everyone has asked of me and spent another year of my life devoted to caring for my grandmother (she won’t be sending you a list – I’ve already got her what she wanted).

I’d like to share my list of Christmas wishes with you to see if you would be able to help with any of them. They’re not things as such, more societal and political changes. I’m not sure the elves do those sorts of things?

Please find my carer’s Christmas list below:
- I’d very much like for the UK government to produce a national strategy for unpaid carers. They class us as volunteers so they don’t have to deal with us. We’re not. We’re prisoners of a broken health and social care system.
- I would like an increase to the Carer’s Allowance. The current £76 a week is laughably low. I would also like for there to be more financial help for unpaid carers who are often pushed into poverty for doing what the government should.
- I would like the government and local councils to hire more carers, social workers, and district nurses so we can all get the support we need.
- Please could competent people run the NHS? 162 BILLION pounds is a lot of money to waste on mismanaging a system. Perhaps a few of your elves could be seconded? With all the presents to create and deliver across the world, they must know how to run an organisation efficiently.
- I would like more information and interest around the challenges unpaid carers face to be in the mainstream media. A lot of people are struggling with caring duties and don’t know where to get help. Or indeed, that they have a ‘title’ as an unpaid carer.
- I would like there to be more doctors and nurses. And please can they be well paid and have good working conditions?
- I would like everyone in the UK to realise that they fall into one of three categories of people – unpaid carers; soon-to-be-unpaid carers; or the person needing care. I would then like them to plan accordingly.
- A bit niche but I would like compression socks that are easy to put on – that one is for grandma.
- I would like us all to care a bit more about each other. To look out for the people around them.
- I would like for my anxiety to go away.
Thank you for reading my list, I know this is a lot. Your help with any of those items would be greatly appreciated.

P.S: I would also like a puppy or a pony… if you have time after you’ve dealt with all of the above.
Trimming up

Dec 4th, 2023

It is the beginning of December which means it is time to ‘trim up’ as my friend Michelle says, by decorating the house and putting the Christmas tree up. I love Christmas. I love seeing beautiful decorations, Christmas songs, and thinking about presents to buy. Around this time of year, I also start thinking about what I’m going to cook and bake. That’s more my scene – I’m a cook, *not* a decorator. I’ve never had the eye or the patience for it, and patience is needed when you’re trying to assemble and decorate a tree with a basically blind 98 year old, with a chest infection and very strong ideas about what needs to be done, when.

I had designated Saturday as D Day (Decoration Day) and had told myself to try to inject Christmas cheer while being bossed around for hours by a wheezing but determined nonagenarian. My Christmas cheer hopes were quickly dashed as I wasn’t allowed to have Christmas music playing while executing my many tasks.

When I came to live with her, our history of decorating together got off to a bad start when she dropped the long and heavy cardboard box containing the Christmas on my head from the first floor landing. I fell under the weight of it and nearly knocked myself out as my head hit the radiator. This incident was deemed to be my fault as I was where I wasn’t supposed to be.

This year’s effort contained no near-death incidents but was nevertheless stressful. Grandma, still ill, but very anxious to get everything done ‘properly’, was being very demanding. I had chosen the path of least resistance and obeyed her every word for most of the morning, until I got her to sit down and sort out a bag of tinsel so I could put up the tree in peace. The tinsel didn’t need untangling but given her very poor eyesight, it would occupy her for a while. I was about halfway through setting up the tree when the phone rang. It was the elderly neighbour in the corner and grandma’s gossiping partner calling.

‘Hello, would you like to chat to grandma?‘ I said, hoping it would enable me to finish the decorating on my own and start lunch.

‘No, I want to speak to you. Do you have a printer?‘

‘Yes, how can I help?‘

‘I need to print a label. Can you come round?’

‘If you email me the document, I can print it and bring it round.‘

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Come round.’

I held in a sigh and said I would come round right away. Tech support for the elderly is not usually known as a relaxing activity. As I went into the neighbour’s house, an iPad was shoved in my face.

‘I need to print this.‘ The neighbour said sounding worried.

I calmly read the email. She wanted to return an item and had to print out a shipping label in order to do so. I said it was no problem, I would forward the email to myself and print it. I hit send on the ipad and a message popped up saying the email couldn’t be sent. I tried again and got the same result. I asked the neighbour if she’d sent emails before and she assured me she had. I told her it wasn’t working, she suggested we could re-enter her password and try that. I agreed and asked her what it was.

‘I’ve no idea. It is upstairs. Give me a minute.’ She said as she slowly shuffled out of the living to get into her stairlift.

I sat down as I heard the slow buzzing sound coming from the hallway. I was going to be here for a while. A solid 15 minutes later, the ‘buuuuuzzzzzzzz’ sounded again and a short while later, the neighbour appeared with a piece of paper. I entered the password, tried for a third time to send the email only for the same message to pop up again.

‘Right- plan b. I’m going to take your ipad with me, and print it from my house.‘

‘You’re a clever girl! I’m lost!‘

‘Let’s see if this works first. I will be right back.‘

I opened the front door to find grandma having a fight with a now very tangled piece of tinsel. I quickly connected the ipad to my wifi and printed the shipping label.

‘I’ll just give this to the neighbour, I’ll be back in 2 minutes and finish the tree, grandma.’ I said hurrying out of the living room.

‘This sodding thing is so tangled! I can’t do it.‘

‘I’ll do it when I’m back, don’t worry.’ I shouted from the hallway, amused.

I gave the shipping label to the neighbour who was so delighted; she told me to sit down for a chat. After about 30 minutes, in which I found out she thinks emails and text messages are the same thing, I made my excuses and left.

I got home to finish the tree and untangle the tinsel. Grandma was quite tired from all the embellishing excitement. She was sat in her chair coughing and asking what was for lunch. I realised it was already 3pm and grandma had to eat to take her antibiotics.

Some serious multi-tasking later, the decorations were up, grandma was medicated and fed. I was just fed up.

I have designated next weekend to do some festive baking to get me in the spirit of the season. The kitchen is my territory, it is a bossy-old-lady-free zone and music *will* be playing.
Christmas conundrum

Nov 13th, 2023

It is already Christmas in the UK. All the TV adverts showcase perfect families having perfect Christmas lunches and receiving perfect gifts. Grandma is on board with this, her anxious brain means she is already pestering me to order food, think about Christmas decorations, and where we’ll be able to get brandy sauce from this early in the year. I love Christmas as much as anyone but it is entirely too early for me to be thinking about these things, so I have to compromise on the planning front to keep elderly panic attacks to a minimum.

The only things I start thinking about at this time of year are presents and what to get everyone. I’m easy; I have had the same two items on my list since I was a toddler: a puppy and a pony. Very simple. A third item has appeared on the list since I have become a carer- I want my life back. Sadly, as happens every year, none of the items on my list materialise. But I read somewhere that ‘manifesting’ is the new word for ‘delusion’ so I’ll keep my wish list intact this Christmas.

The main question is always what to get grandma, she is treated like the Queen Mother of the cul-de-sac and will get her favourite biscuits, sweets and wine from the neighbours so I don’t have to worry about that. As already described (in this blog) I *have* to get her favourite chocolate truffles so that’s one present sorted. I always like to get her something a bit different that she’ll enjoy and use. That’s the tricky part, it can’t be too different or she’ll reject it outright. At 98, she is supremely stuck in her ways and finds most things to be too ‘different’ for her liking. The trick is ignoring what she says and finding a new take on something she is comfortable with. I have had some Christmas success in the past, I got her a blanket with sleeves last year and she’s never out of it. I have to fight with her every time it needs washing.

For inspiration I took her to our local Marks & Spencers this weekend to see if anything took her fancy. I spent about an hour and a half describing items for her and each one was met with a ‘oh nooooo!‘. There were quite a few gilets on display which horrified her and she loudly kept wondering how ‘folk will keep their arms warm. It is awful!’. Suffice to say inspiration didn’t strike and I still have no idea what to get her.

She, on the other hand, has already bought my present. I discovered it while we were going through her bank statement, she has got me the TV chef Jamie Oliver’s new cookbook. She must have got it when she was out shopping with her carer. He is her favourite TV chef and this is another one of her very subtle hints she wants me to make more of his recipes. A cookbook I don’t need as I can get the recipes online and that firmly cements me in my role as caretaker and cook, not granddaughter.

Looks like another pony-less Christmas for me. If you have any ideas on what to get a stubborn old lady who hates gilets, please leave a comment!
Whine and dine

Jun 22nd, 2023
One year, when I was living in London, short of Christmas present ideas for my grandmother, I went to Fortnum & Mason (a very high end delicatessen) and bought her a box of chocolate champagne truffles. I reasoned that anything good enough for the British Royal family and involving alcohol would be an acceptable Christmas treat. I was right. She loved them. She loved them so much that she hid them from the rest of the family so nobody could even taste one. A Christmas tradition was born; before every festive trip up North, I had to brave the throngs of tourists, fight my way to the chocolate section of this world-famous shop to buy her a box of these expensive and apparently delicious-enough-to-hide-from-the-family truffles. One year, probably distracted by the crowds, I accidentally bought her a smaller box of those delights. Her eyesight was better then and she immediately spotted it was the wrong size.

‘Don’t they make the usual size anymore?’ She asked, disappointed, as I handed her the box on Christmas morning.

‘Oh! Did I get the wrong box? Sorry I was rushing! I’m sure they still taste the same.‘

‘It won’t be the same…’ She sighed dramatically.

It took me until the next Christmas to live it down, and she relished telling anyone who would listen that her granddaughter had ruined Christmas because of her truffle kerfuffle.

When I came to live with her, the tradition continued and through the magic of online ordering, they also became her birthday present. She is always suspicious of the ones I order online so whenever I go to London, getting her a ‘proper’ box (meaning physically going to the shop to get it) becomes a top priority. No amount of work, meetings, or social engagements can get in the way of my mission. I have not yet failed, and always add a ‘Fortnum truffles’ time slot in my diary. She is always delighted to hide them away as soon as I come home, and start her ritual of eating two every night at 8pm on the dot. This habit has no rhyme or reason but she sticks to it religiously.

Grandma’s other culinary weakness is altogether less extravagant. She loves Jelly Babies, the classic British sweet (or candy for American readers). She eats industrial amounts of them and also keeps them hidden despite me assuring her there is no danger of me stealing them. I always buy her a bag during the weekly shop and the neighbours get her huge boxes of them for Christmas and birthdays, along with a bottle of wine, the perfect gift for her as far as she is concerned. Her love of those sweets is a little baffling as she hates jelly and its texture – what Jelly Babies are made of – but this is typical of her idiosyncrasies.

Despite her love of chocolates and sweets, I make sure she has a healthy diet and cook all our meals. I eat a lot more vegetables than she is used to and, to her horror, drink mainly water. I blame my French side. Getting her used to more vegetables and less bacon was a bit challenging but she soon got used to it and now wastes no time in requesting a rota of her favourite dishes for me to make. She doesn’t know this, but she eats most of the foods she has an irrational hatred of, despite never having tried them. I hear some of the tactics I use are similar to that of cooking for fussy toddlers, I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Top tips when cooking for the elderly:
- Be vague on the recipe and ingredients.
  The less they know, the better. I never tell my grandma that I’ve used any of the foods she fears or any ingredients she’s not heard of. She always likes the finished product, which is all that matters. Even if it does contain chickpeas or courgettes.
- Pay attention to textures.
  I never make anything too crispy or crunchy as she has difficulty eating it. Similarly, I don’t serve long types of pasta like spaghetti or linguine because she has trouble twiddling the fork. Handily, she loves a lasagna recipe I’ve invented and a spicy prawn pasta dish so she never feels deprived, I just get creative with pasta choices.
- Lie.
  Tell them what they want to hear, an extension of the first point. Don’t like yoghurt? No problem, it magically turns into cream when I serve it with apple pie and she licks the plate clean. Grandma sometimes requests a cup of tea in the evenings despite it ruining her (already elusive) sleep. No problem; I serve a decaffeinated version despite being told very firmly it doesn’t taste the same. My grandma has drunk decaf tea in the evenings for the past three years and never noticed. I wanted her to try a smoothie once, to see if that would boost her fruit and liquid intake, she refused until I called it fruit juice and she is now a fan of this new type of beverage.
- Let them get used to new foods in their own time.
  For the more outlandish flavours, or dishes (she was astounded at the concept of a burger) patience is best, and curiosity usually gets the better of them if they see you eat something they classify as ‘exotic’ and not drop dead. My grandma now eats hummus (she still calls it ‘that stuff’) and couscous regularly, for example.
- Make what they like, just healthier.
  Grandma loves an egg, bacon, and tomato fry up. With lots of salt. I still make it for her on days I have no cooking inspiration, and what she now has more often is a type of Spanish omelette with all the same ingredients and some extra (hidden) vegetables. She grumbled a bit a first but now requests it regularly. She also loves prawns, so I make nice seafood dishes that now rank among her favourites.
- Add alcohol. Never fails.
- Pick your battles.
  There are two non-negotiables on the culinary front for me. She has to eat more fruit and and she has to have a teaspoon of honey every morning at breakfast. Through trial and error, I found the acceptable fruits to include in the weekly shop rota (apples, bananas and some berries are OK but pears are not). I read honey has some good health benefits and cold fighting properties so it is with a dramatic shudder every morning that she takes her dose.
  ‘Ewww!’ She says screwing her face up into a frown. She swallows and then says ‘It’s down!’ dramatically. That is her little honey routine, always done in the same way.
  I feel my cooking efforts have paid off, she looks better, and is ill less frequently.
Getting her to drink more water is more of a challenge altogether. I always make sure she has a fresh, and full, glass of water and nag her during the day to drink it. She points at the still-full glass and says: ‘It’s there!’ as if the mere presence of it next to her is enough to keep her hydrated.

If you have any top tips for fussy eaters of all ages, please do share them!

Tag: christmas

Top tips when cooking for the elderly: