Tag: anger

A Rose-y invitation

Jan 21st, 2025
It’s my fault – I shouldn’t have looked at the news that early in the morning. A headline grabbed my attention and instantly made my blood boil ( doesn’t take much – granted – as a carer you’re always on edge). The BBC headline read: Working from home ‘not proper work’ – ex-Asda boss

My initial reaction was ‘Oh what bullshit!’ Which prompted grandma to enquire as to what I was swearing about at 6.30 in the morning when I was meant to be sorting out her pills in the kitchen. ‘Nothing, just something I read.’ I answered, coming into the living room. I made a mental note to read the article properly later to have more constructive thoughts on the piece. After reading the article, Lord Rose does indeed think that home working is part of the ‘UK ‘s general decline and that employees’ productivity was suffering.’ What exactly does this privileged white man know about being an employee? When was the last time he had a ‘9 to 5’? What does he know about commuting and having responsibilities outside of work?

Some (constructive, I hope) thoughts:
- First context point : I am a working unpaid carer – I look after the PR for Europe and Americas for a global tech company and I also look after my nearly-100-year-old grandmother. I have two more-than-full-time jobs and only get paid for one. Because of this, I work from home. Not because I want to, because I have to.
- Second context point: I am not against any working policies – be it in the office full time, hybrid, or remote. I love being in the office and travel regularly to meet colleagues in London and internationally.
- I agree that being in the office does have benefits; it is a social experience and you get to know your colleagues better. For ‘creative’ jobs like mine, in-person brainstorming meetings can be very valuable. I think working and hiring policies should focus more on meaningful office time rather than blanket mandates that usually result in employees like me being in the office and spending their time in online meetings that we could have done from home.
- I completely disagree with Lord Rose’s claim that remote employees aren’t as productive. If anything, I am more productive. I have never missed an email, a call, or a deadline. Ever. As my teammates will attest, I also assume the role of Chief Colleague Chaser when they miss deadlines or emails (presumably while they were chitchatting making tea or in an in-person meeting that could have been an email). The article also references a ‘growing body of evidence’ that working remotely was more productive.
- My employer gets more out of me being remote. I start my days much earlier and finish them much later. I’m also always available if needed at weekends as I have everything I need to do my job at home. Similarly to the parent carer testimonial in the article, I have also done more things by 9am than any employee working from the office- they’re probably still in the queue at Pret for their latte at that time.
- I understand I am just speaking about my experience here; but these unhelpful and inaccurate generalisations make finding jobs for people like me even more difficult than it already is. The issue employers and government should be focusing on is how to keep the majority of the population employed and employable. Looking at the millions of unpaid carers in the UK, alone, 600 of us have to quit their job everyday to provide care for their loved ones because of the utter failure of the social care system. Given that most of us will need to provide care or be cared for in our lives, flexible working policies would go a long way to accommodate this growing need (sorting out our failing NHS and social care system would help too, obvs, but that’s a different rant).
- Care probably isn’t something Lord Rose and other (male) CEOs of major companies know much about or have even considered. Lord Rose -incidentally- if you hired a nanny to look after your children while you were off doing your important job, they would work from (your) home, right? Is raising your children not ‘proper’ work?
I extend an invitation to you, Your Lordship, to come and spend a day in my shoes as a working unpaid carer. I challenge you to do what I do for a full day. To live the life many employees live- who are forced to juggle immense responsibilities through circumstances outside of their control. I’m an excellent, motivated, and productive employee who produces ‘proper’, valuable, and successful work; and who has to work remotely because of the lack of social care in this country. I suggest *THAT* is much more part of the UK’s decline than any remote or hybrid working policy.

So, go on, hop on a train to Manchester (or a bus replacement service… also another potential reason for the UK’s decline?) and understand what you’re talking about before making broad statements. We have a spare bedroom you can stay in, although there won’t be much sleeping happening, we’re all about productivity here!

Some more thoughts on remote working and being a working unpaid carer here and here, if you’re interested 🙂
Carer servitude

Sep 19th, 2024
They say ignorance is bliss. They, whoever they are, were right. I shouldn’t have read Carers UK’s report on carer poverty, it made me sad and filled me with rage. Not knowing how to react, my brain decided to make me swear in French (my default rage setting) all the way through reading it.

The report highlighted that:
- 1.2 million unpaid carers live in poverty, and 400,000 live in deep poverty in the UK.
- Two-thirds (67%) of unpaid carers who receive Universal Credit live in poverty – around 900,000 carers.
- The poverty rate is more than double for those providing more than 35 hours of care per week (43%), compared to people who are not unpaid carers (18%).
Merde, c’est pas possible!

We don’t deserve this. Being driven into poverty for providing care the government should is criminally unfair. The words ‘economically inactive’ caught my eye – this insidious wording implies that all the work carers do doesn’t matter. We’re just keeping people alive over here, not making more money for big corporations, so we don’t matter. The (literally) vital work most of us don’t want to do doesn’t deserve compensation.

Putain de merde!

We’re forced into a kind of caring servitude that can ruin lives. Think I’m being dramatic? Let’s look at the facts:
- We are not paid for our work – some of us can claim the Carers’ Allowance of £81.90 per week. You try living off that.
- Our labour is forced – we do it because we have to, not because we want to.
- We’re not free to leave- if we do, the people we care for will most likely die.
- We’re on call 24/7 – no breaks, weekends or holidays.
Sounds like servitude to me, non? The government is, at the very least, enabling this situation. And nobody cares, because it is easier not to think about it and nobody wants to believe they are at risk of becoming an unpaid carer.

Incidentally, if we called our situation ‘carer servitude’ rather than the more gentle ‘unpaid carer’, we might get a bit more attention. Even if it was to say we’re exaggerating , it would at least start a debate.

I’ll leave you with Jane’s words in the report:

‘I am working really hard, harder than most people work three
times the jobs that they’re doing in the hours. So why can’t we just be recognised for that. I’m unable to work because of my caring role.
So pay me a wage. If I could go to work, I would, but I can’t. Economically inactive. I’d like to see them try and do what we do…‘

P.S: Notice I didn’t say ‘sacré bleu‘ – no French person says that, not even ironically.
We’ve no soap

Jan 11th, 2024

I shakily walked out of my ‘office’ (the spare room), went downstairs to make a cup of tea. I popped my head into the living and, through my mask, I asked grandma if she wanted a cuppa:

‘Do you want tea?‘ I croaked at her ‘God, I feel worse than yesterday.‘

‘We’ve no soap.’ Was her answer, in a tone that made it clear this calamity was my fault.

I didn’t answer, deciding I didn’t have the energy to argue or reprimand her for being rude, and went into the kitchen to make my solitary tea.

That’s the thing with old people, they can be incredibly selfish. Grandma doesn’t care that I’m sick, that I have a fever and should be in bed. Instead I got up early to get her breakfast ready, got her settled, and am in the middle of doing a full day at work. I will also cook and clean for her as I do everyday so her routine doesn’t change. The fact I’m ill is not her concern, despite the fact I have nursed her through illness countless times and saved her life more than once. When you’re ill as a carer, there are no days off or staying in bed. You keep doing what needs to be done, you just do it sick.

I understand her mentality, she is in survival mode. She knows that if I’m not here, she’ll have to go into a home – none of the family is willing to take care of her as they’ve made that clear- and it is easier to take my presence and my sacrifices for granted or not to think about them at all.

I can hear you all thinking that she’s 98 – she’s earned the right to be grumpy and that I should shut up. I bet those thoughts are coming from non-carers, when you’re someone’s carer, you realise it is possible to literally devote your life to that person’s wellbeing while simultaneously being annoyed beyond all measure by them. I’ve said before that my relationship with my grandma is ‘grittier’ than it was before. She vents her frustration, fear, and anger at me, keeping it hidden from the rest of the family. I do the same, I try my best to keep a lid on it most of the time, but my frustration does boil over from time to time. Grandma is human, she is funny and sweet, she is also riddled with anxiety, she worries about everything, she’s an introvert, a great actress, and she can be very cutting when she wants to be.

I’m hastily writing this blog instead of venting my frustration at her, but she was wrong to snap at me when I’m unwell and just trying to get through the day, even if she is nearly 99.

In case you’re wondering, we did have soap, she just couldn’t see the white bars of soap in the cupboard, we have enough for everyone in the cul de sac to shower for days!

Rant over.
It doesn’t have to be this hard

Dec 18th, 2023

I’ve never been good at wrapping Christmas presents. I try my best but I’m not very dextrous and don’t have the patience to create the perfect package. This year, this fiddly task was made even more tricky as I was multitasking. I watched the BBC’s documentary on caring, ‘The Issue’, while fighting with sellotape and wrapping paper.

The documentary follows two families fighting to get the care their sons need, and are entitled to. Their struggles are all to common for unpaid carers around the country: they fight the system for months or years to get assessed, (if they’re lucky) receive a care package to be funded by the NHS, that contract is then outsourced to a care company who doesn’t have the staff to fulfil the contract. So the families, and in most cases the women ( a mother and stepmother in the documentary), provide the vast majority of the round-the-clock care their loved ones need. Unpaid, untrained and completely abandoned.

‘It doesn’t have to be this hard.‘ tearfully said one of the mothers featured. That stopped me in me in rage-wrapping tracks. I teared up (it doesn’t take much these days) she is right. It shouldn’t be this hard. There is a system in place, we pay taxes to fund this – so why is it this difficult? Why are so many families abandoned picking the slack the government should provide but doesn’t?

I think it comes down to a few things, caring and carers (paid and unpaid) are not valued. They’re seen as undesirable and low-skilled occupations, when they should be answering emails for eight hours a day at a desk to make profits for a faceless corporation. That’s a ‘proper’ job. This view is fuelled by our increasingly individualistic society, helping anyone other than yourself is seen as weak, unproductive, and detrimental – even if the person in question can’t feed themselves.

It is uncomfortable to think about; nobody wants to think about getting old or sick. They’d rather bury their heads in the sand and fool themselves into thinking they’ll be able to deal with it when it comes. They won’t. You won’t. There is no help. You will get no help. There are only three types of people in the world: unpaid carers, soon-to-be-unpaid carers, and people requiring care. I implore you – if you’re reading this and fall into the second and third categories- PLEASE make a plan (if you’re already an unpaid carer, you’re likely too exhausted or trapped to plan). Start a savings account- private care can costs thousands of pounds a month, enquire about private caring companies in your area, have uncomfortable family discussions about your wishes (isn’t that what happens at Christmas anyway? At least it will be productive awkwardness.), find out what healthcare services are available in your vicinity.

Social care and the National Health Services are a mess, they’re inefficient at best and dangerous at worst. They are also a political minefield, politicians are not known for their bravery, so they class unpaid carers as ‘volunteers’ and move on. Much easier than to actually try and fix the issues in the system. We need to get angry, do away with British politeness (very unhelpful in this situation) and get this on politicians’ agendas. By writing to MPs, asking questions, supporting charities. Not easy but will benefit us all in the long run.

I realise this isn’t a very festive post, the crumpled presents under the tree are a testament to the anger I feel over this.

I’ll leave you with this Mariah Carey-inspired request: all I want for Christmas is for you to watch this documentary: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0gxptwh/the-issue-fighting-for-our-sons-care

For readers outside of the UK, read the associated article here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-67691453

Tag: anger

A Rose-y invitation

Carer servitude

We’ve no soap

It doesn’t have to be this hard