Category: Uncategorized

Poker face

May 14th, 2024

I have no poker face. I try very hard in meetings to hide how I’m feeling and to paste a neutral expression on my face but if I feel strongly about what is being discussed, you’ll know about it. Not in a rude way, but I am willing to express my opinion. I’m also pretty incapable of being anyone else, and find it hard to connect with people who put on artifices or who appear, to me at least, to be inauthentic. I was a bit better at the fakery necessary for most social interactions before I became a carer, but the constant exhaustion and virtually no social interaction have reduced my fakery tolerance even further.

This is top of mind at the moment because the theme of ‘bringing your whole self to work’ has come up twice recently. I’m not a fan of the overly self-help-sounding phrase but I think it is an interesting topic. For someone like me, who is more comfortable with authenticity, is it wise to share the fact that I’m an unpaid carer at work?

Apart from my boss and my team, I never used to share my situation with colleagues, preferring to keep the conversation on them- something I’m very good at. I don’t know why I was reluctant to share, I instinctively felt that it probably wasn’t a good idea to tell everyone that I shoulder a huge responsibility on my own on top of my already demanding job. I work for a huge, global organisation. Every single one of my colleagues works overtime, evenings and weekends. We’re all busy and things can get intense. I’m used to this environment, but it does mean you have to project a certain toughness to be heard, seen, and respected in front of a mainly male audience. It didn’t feel like the most compatible crowd to share my ‘true self’ with.

There is a stigma around caring, it is somehow seen as a weakness and can call into question my ability to do my job. None of these doubts and prejudices are voiced out loud, of course, they are unspoken but felt. For the avoidance of doubt, and if any colleagues are reading this: yes- I’m a carer and yes – I’m very good at my job.

Despite these very valid reasons to keep quiet about my caring role, about a year ago, I decided to be more open and stop lying by omission about my caring situation. I don’t advertise it, but I write this blog, do the odd media appearances, and try to champion carers when I can. I’m even trying to get a program off the ground at work to support carers.

I was apprehensive of the reaction but something wonderful happened – people were kind and accepting. Some colleagues have even emailed me their own caring stories and many of you share your stories in the comments or in your emails to me. I’m always so touched when that happens, I feel truly thankful that people (some of whom are total strangers) choose to share authentically with me.

They say sharing is caring; I have found sharing my story to be a tool to find the caring. It encourages me to keep going and I hope it helps others too to interact more authentically in any situations – try it for yourself – the results may surprise you!
Mission improbable

May 6th, 2024

I don’t have time to write this blog. I have to write it over a few days, squeezing in 15 minutes here or there. Why do I bother, you ask? After all, I’m sure you would survive just fine without reading my ramblings.

I find time to write and publish my thoughts as a way of doing something, to raise awareness of unpaid carers. Granted, I do this at my tiny level. Through this blog and other small things I do that I don’t strictly have time to, I have slowly found my mission. Something positive and motivating to focus on. Not to be too Oprah Winfrey about it, but this blog is helping turn my pain, loneliness and frustration into purpose. Channelling those heavy feelings into my mission has helped me in my day-to-day caring role. I find myself to be less short-tempered or being able to find some joy in tiny moments throughout the day- something I thought I’d lost the ability to do.

My mission is simple: to raise awareness of unpaid carers and the issues we face to the general public. My goal is to help create impactful change for us.

Big stuff, innit? It will take a long time. It might not even happen. That doesn’t scare me, I’m very tenacious and this big goal will keep me mentally stimulated to prevent me from completely sinking into my ever-present depression. Action- through this blog, some media work, helping campaigning groups, participating in research projects, or simply taking an interest in the news, feeds my purpose, and in doing so, diminishes my pain.

It is not easy to do. Finding time to do these things, always having to prioritise, and not seeing immediate results from your work can be demotivating or feel that what I’m doing is futile. Maybe it is in some way, but if it keeps me from giving up on life then it is worth it just for that.

I’m also learning a lot on this mission, a lifeline for my creative brain. I used to be able to come up with an idea a minute for a campaign or a work project, I felt that part of my brain atrophy consumed by caring-related anxiety and sadness. I have recently contacted a few campaigning groups with some ideas and have loved re-discovering the feeling of an idea forming and letting it percolate until it pops into my head at unexpected moments.

You are helping too, yes you, dear reader. By taking an interest in the issues I describe, you are inching along with me on my improbable mission. It will be a tough, frustrating and slow ride but a worthwhile one. I’m sure Oprah has a quote on sticking with difficult journeys. I’m too British for that sort of thing so I’ll just get on with my new found mission and say a big THANK YOU for reading.
Kicking the caring can

Apr 25th, 2024

Grandma is ruthless. If you show any sign of weakness or illness, she starts talking about you in the past tense. She also has very little tolerance for people complaining about their issues, and grumbles every time the words ‘mental health’ are uttered on TV. Naturally, she is a massive diva when it comes to her own health in contradiction to her outwardly toughness. Does this remind you of anyone? You’d be forgiven for thinking my grandmother is the current UK Prime Minister.

Grandma’s inconsistent attitude also reminds me of the general view towards unpaid carers. On the one hand we’re selfless heroes, voluntarily devoting our lives to our loved ones, and on the other we’re benefit scroungers that don’t deserve a penny more than the pittance some of us currently get.

I hate to break it to you, but we’re neither of those things. We’re volunteers in the same way hostages are, we’re certainly not heroes, and we actually save the system billions of pounds. We are just normal people in tough situations that the majority of us will find themselves in at some point in their lives.

So why are we so disregarded? Even hated?

In short, because we represent what everyone fears. On a daily basis, we deal with death, illness, disability, poverty, old age, and stolen lives. That is our reality. How do people react to something they fear? They shun it, ignore it, and try to fight against it. That reaction is then institutionalised, the public at large don’t want to think about it so policies and governments don’t do anything about it. That means unpaid carers have the lowest-of-the-low benefits, no national strategy on how to support them, no focus on fixing the social care or health systems, and just generally pretending carers and caring doesn’t exist.

Some recent scandals have brought unpaid carers into the news agenda and there has even been a debate in parliament around increasing the carer’s allowance. All very welcome attention, and the debate highlighted the utter inaction around helping unpaid carers – a 2008 select committee report concluded the carer’s allowance was outdated and needed a complete overhaul, that was 16 years ago. Precisely nothing has been done since then, and the issues have predictably got worse. This neglect can be attributed to the government’s incompetence (obvs) but the problem is wider than that. Let me be blunt, it is the general public’s apathy that has enabled this.

Too harsh? I don’t think so, and it makes sense. In general, people don’t care about what doesn’t affect them. The challenge is making them see and understand that this uncomfortable issue *will* affect them.

As my friend Florian says, what to do? I think the answer for everyone is to get curious. Speak to the people in your life, your friends, neighbours, or colleagues and I guarantee you’ll find several people in your circle that are unpaid carers. Once you’ve heard their story and what they’re going through, you’ll start to care by proxy. You might even start thinking about what you would do in their situation and take an interest in how to improve the system for when your caring turn comes. Read the news stories, get involved, and put pressure on the powers that be so the caring can doesn’t get kicked down the road, again.

This may sound unrealistic, it probably is, but my morning coffee is making me optimistic. It’ll wear off in a bit.
Open letter to the DWP

Apr 18th, 2024
To everyone at the DWP,

I’m just checking in, it’s been a tough few weeks – how are you all holding up? I bet some of you are working overtime. As a fellow communications professional, I especially feel sorry for the poor PRs having to deal with those pesky journalists asking questions about those tiresome unpaid carers.

What is their problem?! They made mistakes and now they must pay. You are just doing your jobs, right?

Well… the thing is, I don’t think most people see it that way. I realise you have to project a certain toughness, but the words that spring to mind on this are: ‘cruel’ ‘incompetence’ and ‘borderline entrapment’. Not sure that’s a brand image you should be aiming for.

I realise I haven’t introduced myself, I’m Laura, I’m a communications manager and an unpaid carer. Don’t worry, before you fire up your laptops to send me a threatening letter, I earn ‘too much’ to claim the carer’s allowance. In fact, to put it bluntly, my taxes pay for these benefits. I’m fine with that, that’s the deal. What I’m not fine with, is standing by when you’re facing this crisis but fear not! I have compiled a list of actions you could take to resolve matters. You’re welcome:
- Fix your tech. I’m not a techie but there must be a way for your systems to flag overpayments and mistakes so you can resolve them early. Oh wait, you have one of those already? Great! So maybe, next time it happens do something about it? That way, you spot the mistakes early and these unpaid carers don’t get into debt or go to the press, you’ll also save money on legal bills and crisis comms consultants. Incidentally, just putting it out there, you might catch fraudsters earlier too. How’s recovering our £50 million from that crime gang going, by the way? It took you a while to catch them too, I believe. Not hating, just sayin’!
- Change the system. Do you have to be so harsh towards unpaid carers? I mean I get it, they are SO annoying with all the caring for their loved ones, being the scaffolding for the social care system and the NHS while your colleagues over at the DHSC are busy diligently ignoring them. Why can’t they just suffer in silence and live on the £80 a week you so generously give them. Benefit scroungers, the lot of them! It’s not like they were trying to get whatever jobs they could to contribute to the system and make ends meet… Oops! Sorry- that’s actually what they were doing. My bad. Anyway, I just feel for the optics of the situation – not because it is the right thing to do (LOL!)- maybe drop the ‘cliff edge’ policy?
- Simplify the system. All this business is very complicated isn’t it. I realise admin is basically your jobs, and you all must love it. That’s cool, you do you. But us unpaid carers are a tad busy keeping the people we care for alive with no help (long story- you’ll find out all about it one day). Would it be an idea to make things easier to reduce errors in the first place?
- Increase the Carer’s Allowance. This is a bit sensitive for you, I understand, but I have to ask – could you live off £81.90 a week? I’d venture to guess that is probably what you spend on Pret lunches and coffees in a month. I used to spend about that back when I had a life in London, I love that place. I understand we must keep Pret A Manger going at all costs but if the Carer’s Allowance isn’t meant to be a living wage or replace loss of earnings, what is it meant to do? Why give a benefit that has no benefits? One to consider over a flat white.
- Finally, a *tiny* point to the comms team. Please don’t call unpaid carers ‘heroes’. I know it is tempting, but it’ll go to our heads and we’ll start making mad demands like a national strategy for carers. We can’t have that. I’m certainly not a hero, I’m just a normal person trying to do my best. So drop the H word, yeah?
I think that’s enough to be getting on with, I’d send you an invoice for my services but you’re better off saving that money to persecute 92-year-olds with dementia – GO YOU! Fighting the good fight!

Best,

L
Criminally unfair

Apr 11th, 2024

What’s the difference between an organised crime gang and an unpaid carer making an honest mistake?

None, according to the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) they both need to be punished. Let me explain, in the news this week was a story about an organised crime gang from Bulgaria scamming the DWP by making false benefit claims to the tune of over 50 million pounds. What was also in the news this week was several stories of unpaid carers being fined and prosecuted for honest mistakes relating to their carer’s allowance payment (a whopping £81.90 a week). You are only entitled to claim the Carer’s Allowance if you don’t earn more than £151 a week (after deductions). Because a lot of unpaid carers are forced into poverty for providing care the Social Care system should, they often try to get small part jobs to make ends meet. The trouble with that is, if they exceed the earning threshold (even by £1) they are forced to pay back *the entirety* of their carer’s allowance for every week they are in breach of the earning limit.

So far so complicated.

We’re talking about people who save the government literally billions of pounds by doing what our taxes should, and who have to sacrifice their lives to do so- hardly hardened criminals intentionally trying to steal from the system. Does the DWP have a sophisticated system to detect early mistakes and breaches of their strict rules? Do they hell. This results in a lot of unpaid carers who unwittingly broke the rules to suddenly be faced with demands for thousands of pounds after the DWP woke up, years too late in some cases, to their honest mistakes. What the actual F as the young people say (I think?).

I understand there has to be rules but this is stupid, unjustifiable, criminally unfair and sounds like borderline entrapment to me. It is the DWP’s responsibility to have systems in place to detect these mistakes and quickly correct them for honest mistakes and to catch criminals much quicker than the 5 years it took them to catch the Bulgarian gang- I doubt they’ll be getting that taxpayer money back.

This also speaks to the utter contempt for unpaid carers in the UK, somehow expected to provide specialised care with no help or training, give up their lives, and survive on £81 a week with the added bonus of the very British stigma surrounding claiming benefits.

I would suggest some of our money be invested in tech to detect fraud and errors, but that would require competent administration of it, not something we’ve come to expect from this government.

They seem to have a very peculiar way of trying to get re-elected in the upcoming election…

You can read more about this scandal here: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/apr/09/calls-to-end-persecution-of-carers-over-uk-benefits-rule-breaches#:~:text=Nearly%2030%2C000%20people%20were%20told,carers%20rather%20than%20intentional%20dishonesty.
Baby steps and powerhouses

Apr 8th, 2024
Oh good, Gardeners’ World is on. I can worry about what to wear in peace. That’s good grandma-sitting TV. I thought as I finished making grandma’s dinner or Friday evening. Worrying about what to wear is a problem I rarely face as a carer, I have a small selection of sweatpants and hoodies that I wear on rotation, I usually go for I-don’t-have-time-to-live chic. I had to look semi-presentable on Saturday morning as I was going to appear on BBC Breakfast to talk about the Carers’ Leave Act.

The Carers’ Leave Act, which entitles carers who are able to work to take up to five days unpaid leave per year, this concerns me as I’m either chained to my laptop or looking after grandma, often doing both at the same time. ITV news and BBC Breakfast wanted to speak to a working carer and I happily obliged as I think it is important to get carers and the issues they face in the news.

My PR professional brain kicked in as I stared a my closet in a mild panic, and I prepared the following points I wanted to make:
- The act is a good step forward to legitimise carers in the workplace and it will enable them to feel more confident in asking for what they’re entitled to.
- Any legislation that keeps carers employed is a good thing. Yes, it could go further but this is a good step to push for more – including a national strategy for carers. Too many carers are pushed into poverty because of the government’s inaction.
- Five days extra leave will act as a pressure release valve for me when I need to focus on caring for grandma. If she’s ill for example or if she has any particularly long hospital appointments.
- It will make employers have to survey their staff to see who has a caring responsibility. If they’re smart employers, they may also consider what other amendments they can make to accommodate those staff members, should they need extra help. 600 people a day quit their jobs to provide care for a loved one; a trend that is only going to get worse so they should plan for that in their DEI programs.
- Caring will affect everyone and there are only three types of people in the UK: unpaid carers, soon-to-be-unpaid carers, or the people requiring the care.
- Carers are the scaffolding that hold up the crumbling social care and health services.
Happy with my mental list, I felt ready to not embarrass myself on TV. I went with jeans and a black jumper- boring but safe.

I needn’t have worried, the whole experience went smoothly and I met a complete campaigning powerhouse, Ruth Hannan, co-founder of the Care Full campaign. We happily chatted and plotted our messaging as we waited to get our makeup done. I went for the ‘TV tired’ look to keep things on brand as a working carer. I was delighted to see a pre-recorded piece from the amazing Katy Styles, founder of the We Care Campaign and we were also joined virtually by Helen Walker, the CEO of Carers UK. Illustrious company!

Focus, Laura, don’t mess this up.

Our interview went well, Ruth and I making all the points we wanted to. I left the whole experience feeling energised to know that such great people are campaigning on carers’ behalf, after that morning, change felt possible. I was happy I’d taken part.

Grandma only had one critique of the interview: ‘When they asked you about my age and what keeps me going, you should have said it was down to my wine and garlic! You put my creams on.’

‘I did think about that grandma, but then I thought you’d be annoyed if I’d made you out to be an alcoholic on national TV.’

‘I’m not an alcoholic! I only have two glasses of wine at lunch.’

‘Yes, I’m well aware. Right, come on, let’s get you showered.’

Real life quickly kicked in after my early morning BBC interlude. I got grandma ready and dressed, did the grocery shopping, made lunch, and as we were about to eat, a work emergency reared its ugly head and I worked for the rest of the day. Not sure those are covered by the new law.

We also filmed a piece for ITV news, which features grandma, who is now a bonafide celebrity in the cul-de-sac. You can watch the piece here: https://www.itv.com/news/granada/2024-04-05/pressure-release-valve-the-new-law-guaranteeing-leave-for-unpaid-carers
A rising tide

Mar 28th, 2024
‘A rising tide lifts all boats.’ I hate that expression. Not because it doesn’t sound true, but because a big boss used it once in a company I used to work for which led to many middle managers parroting it, mostly out of context, for months afterwards; it drove me mad.

Anyway, I digress. This expression is helpful for what I want to talk about today. This week, unpaid carers and the exorbitant cost of care has been in the news, courtesy of ITV’s Kate Garraway’s documentary about caring for her very ill husband. In a heartbreaking display, the documentary shows the toll caring takes, and her fight against the nearly non-existent social care system. Depressingly familiar themes for the millions of unpaid carers across the country.

Before her husband died in January, the cost of her husband’s (private) care came to £16,000 per month. She has been left in debt despite her considerable TV salary. I took a look at the reactions to the documentary on social media, curious to see what the soon-to-be-unpaid-carers thought. I saw a lot of messages of support saying it was ‘heartbreaking’, that we must support these ‘heroes’ and the system needs to be fixed. There were a few trolls too but the less said about them, the better.

I hate to say this, but these well-meaning messages are useless. We know it is heartbreaking. We get it. It is very sad and good on Kate for using her platform for good. But now is the time to act. Tweeting is not going to help fix this. Heartbroken emojis will do nothing. To those nice people who were moved to share their thoughts on social media by that documentary, here are three things you can do to help:
- Do your research. Find out what provisions are available in your local area. Speak to your local council about the social care provisions where you live. When you find out they are probably dreadful, look up local private care companies. How much do they charge? Do they have capacity? How do you get in touch with district nurses? Etc. Make a list and keep it – you *will* need it.
- Save your money. Assume there is no help. While you’re still earning, save what you can every month in a care pot. If someone who earns several hundred thousands pounds a year can’t afford private care, you won’t be able to either but your savings will help bridge the gap while you’re battling the system.
- Help us help you. You are likely to become an unpaid carer. Accept that. I know you might disagree or don’t want to think about it, but it is going to happen. So supporting unpaid carers will help you when you join our ranks. Support charities, sign petitions, get involved with volunteering, email your local MP. Help us make this an electable issue. In short, act. That’s the only way to make a difference.
In this case, supporting unpaid carers helps everyone, this caring tide will lift all boats. More support for unpaid carers means better social care and better healthcare, which means you’ll have help when you need it.

Here are some links to get you started:
If you’re in the UK, you can watch the documentary here: https://www.itv.com/watch/kate-garraway-dereks-story/10a1610

Outside the UK, you can read about it here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-68656222
Grandma-isms

Mar 25th, 2024

It has been a while since I last shared some grandma-isms. I write down all the funny things she says so here are the latest things she has uttered that won’t get either of us cancelled. I hope you enjoy 🙂

—

‘The nuns are selling Canipus!’ Said grandma as I put a plateful of biscuits down next to her one evening.

‘Is that a flower?’ I asked

‘No, it is drugs!’

‘I think it is pronounced Cannabis.’ I chuckled

—

‘What did you have for your pub lunch?’ I asked after she’d been invited out for her birthday by the neighbour.

‘I had chicken drizzle.’ Said grandma, as she sat down heavily in her chair.

‘Drizzle?’ I asked , confused.

‘Yes, it drizzled.’

‘I don’t know what you mean. Was it wet?’

‘It sizzled.’

‘Ok, that makes more sense.’ I said as I put her favourite blanket round her, she was definitely due a post lunch and wine nap.

—

‘I wish we had a Waitrose. It’s a shop I’ve always fancied.’ Out of nowhere, one evening.

—

‘Laura, can you go round the neighbour’s to pick up a cake. It has given her food poisoning and she wants us to have it.’

‘So it can poison us too?!’

‘Well, she said it was very nice. And we can’t be rude.’

‘‘I’ll go, but I’m putting it straight in the bin.’

—

‘ Laura, do you have enough knickers for India?’ *Very* loudly in Marks &Spencer ‘s as I was preparing for a work trip.

—

‘Grandma, did you know Cher is 77 years old!’ I said as she was on television one evening.

‘Is he?!’

—

I’ve recently got grandma set up with online banking as the local bank branch is closing. She was very quiet during the appointment, clearly not understanding what I was doing despite my best explanations. I could tell she was thinking about it for a while afterwards. A few days later, as I was doing her morning routine she asked: ‘Is my money now in the clouds?’

—

‘Do you like this show grandma?‘ I asked as we were watching a documentary on big crocs.

‘It’s OK, I wish the crocodile would chase him a bit. That would liven things up.’

—

‘I got told I looked like death today.’ I said as I was cooking lunch one weekend after my usual hike.

‘Hmmm‘ Was the reply.

‘What do you think?‘

‘Well, they’re not wrong.‘

I thought this was particularly harsh as she’s practically blind.

—

‘I like a really gaudy bathroom mat!’ As I was describing bed sheets to her.

—

By far the funniest thing that grandma has done recently is going to slowly answer the door twice in a day when the doorbell hadn’t rung. When I asked her what she was doing she said she’d confused the doorbell ringing on her TV drama with ours. We still giggle about that one.

I’m lucky that grandma is unintentionally very funny and I try to find the funny side of things as much as possible- a vital skill for any unpaid carer.
Scareffolding

Mar 21st, 2024

Reading the news really isn’t good for me. I get too angry, and then have to write a rant about it. Lucky you, dear reader.

I read an article about a report MPs have done on adult social care in England. I already know the system is broken but I was curious to see what the MPs had to say about it. They didn’t hold back; you know you’re in real trouble when politicians are using words like ‘woeful’, ‘chronic’ and ‘underfunding’. The Department of Health and Social Care’s (DHSC) quote was predictably weak and said nothing to respond to the concerns raised. This is the part that got me angry – their lacklustre response to this report is indicative of their whole attitude towards this issue. They don’t seem to care, ironically.

Why can’t the UK government get social care and healthcare right or at least on the right track? For me, it is down to two things – breathtaking incompetence and / or lack of political will.

I would really like to understand why the idea of properly run and funded social care and health services is such a seemingly unimportant thing for the government. Surely, we deserve to be well cared for in our time of need? Why is this so tricky politically? Wouldn’t that be a legacy to be proud of? Maybe I’m too French on these things, but I get the feeling that social care is considered as a second class issue. Maybe because it is a difficult issue to think about if you’re not experiencing it directly? Is it correlated with weakness?

I understand the poisonous arguments made by some on people abusing the system and ‘profiting’ from the state, but in its current condition, I don’t think there is much to profit from. Unless you count certain baronesses, who seem to be experts in that area, if press reports are to be believed. And they allegedly made hundreds of thousands or even millions of pounds in profits. The DHSC is also very good at wasting money, writing off a cool 10 billion pounds in unused Personal protective equipment (PPE) during the COVID-19 pandemic. Imagine how many care workers they could have hired for that money, or how many care centres they could have opened.

It is on us to keep the pressure on politicians and to make our priorities clear. I don’t view this as a party political issue either, I don’t care who fixes it. It could be the left, the right, or the aliens-from-Mars party – as long as they do what is in our best interest. Currently, it feels this issue has been so politicised, it prevents (protects?) the government from having to act in a meaningful way; and the whole UK population loses. None of us can see doctors, dentists, or get the kind of medical or social care we deserve, need, and incidentally, pay for.

I almost got to the end of a blog post without mentioning unpaid carers but we are one of the biggest losers in the system, and paradoxically, one the main reasons it hasn’t completely collapsed…yet. We’re the scaffolding that holds the system up and we pay for it with our lives. We’re the scareffolding, if you will.

With an election coming up, it is time for all of us to think long and hard about what we want and who is best placed to make it a reality.
That’s the way the carer crumbles

Mar 18th, 2024

I scared myself last week. For a whole day, I couldn’t function. I felt an overwhelming tiredness, I couldn’t think straight and caught myself zoning out several times during the day. I struggled through my daily tasks doing the bare minimum at work (I had particular trouble writing emails and had to take breaks halfway through typing them) and caring for grandma was a blur, doing what I had to do on autopilot, not taking anything in. Thankfully, she had a post-birthday lunch date with one of the neighbours so I didn’t have to cook. I felt so fuzzy that I couldn’t feel panicked at my state, I knew I felt something uncomfortable but I couldn’t put my finger on the feeling.

The next day, I felt a bit more alive and discovered the consequences of my temporary malfunction. I had left tea bags everywhere, in the fridge, in a cup with no water, I had left two on the little side table in my ‘office’ (the spare room). This was clearly my (unsuccessful) attempts to make tea but I have no recollection of how they got there. I had also left an entire bag of frozen peas in the kitchen cupboard. I discovered the thawed bag sitting in its water puddle in the morning as I was getting grandma’s breakfast ready. I had put her creams in the wrong cupboard (grandma relished pointing out my mistake – she mentioned it throughout the week) and I don’t think I ate anything that day, I can’t remember and the leftovers I was planning on eating were still in the fridge.

I was still very tired but I felt worry creep in at the lost day I had just experienced and had no recollection of. I resolved to pay extra attention to what I was doing that week, it was a somewhat effective decision. I realised that I do a lot of multitasking and I need to remind myself of all the things I have to do at once. Throughout the week I asked myself a lot of questions to keep myself on track such as: ‘What am doing?‘ / ‘Why am I in this room?’/ Did I send that email? /Do I have time to cook grandma’s lunch before this call? /I need to look at that letter from the bank./ Where did I put my cup of tea?/I need to text my friend back./ Did I put grandma’s hydrating cream on? (No point asking grandma for that last one- she’d say yes even if I hadn’t- she hates it.)

At a minimum, I am constantly juggling two tasks between work and caring and I think, it all got a bit too much for my brain. I fumbled through the rest of the week without any other major glitches. I told a friend what had happened and concluded it was probably some kind of burn out warning, there isn’t much I can do about that but I will brave the GP receptionist when I get a moment to see if a doctor can help. Feeling myself crumble cognitively scares me, I can deal with exhaustion but I need to be capable of caring and working.

I also resolved to have a nap at the weekend, which I managed as grandma was engrossed in the rugby Six Nations tournament. I felt better after my 45 minute lie-down but not enough to understand what was happening in the game, fortunately grandma is (somehow) a rugby expert so I let her shout and cheer at the TV as I slowly came round from my sleep.