Number Eighteen, in the corner

Running on empty

I keep my phone fully charged, I like to know that I can use it in an emergency and it keeps my anxiety over it running low at bay (if you know, you know). This is in stark contrast to my personal batteries- all of which are running dangerously low. I’m exhausted physically and mentally, I feel older than I am, too drained to experience much joy, and haven’t had fun in ages. I can’t remember the last time I felt happy or content, it would have been more than four years ago, before I became a carer. I don’t know what it would take for me to feel OK again but I know it can’t happen while I’m a carer.

Most carers feel the same, I dare say. Our lives, hopes, finances, and dreams have been drained out of us by the lack of help and support from successive governments. We’re all running on empty, powered by fear and stress, doing what needs to be done day after day, with no respite, never having a chance to recharge or take a breath.

For the non-carers reading this, imagine if you can, a life where you can never do what you want, so overwhelmed with constant caring for someone else that it completely drains you. Now imagine you’re utterly exhausted after doing this non-stop for a week, can you take the weekend off to recharge? What do you think? Of course not. There is no rest, so you have to keep going. Week after week after week. There is no help, there is no fun, there is no life. You are drained emotionally and financially, and your life dwindles to an existence. C’est pas possible! As my French mum would say.

I assure you that it is possible. This is what unpaid carers experience everyday, they have discovered that there is a point beyond burnout, beyond hopelessness, beyond emptiness. This needs to change, it cannot continue to be the case that those needing extra care and support (which is likely to be all of us at some stage) have to depend on their loved ones sacrificing their lives to provide it.

The concept of ‘running on empty’ isn’t my idea (I wish I was that clever!), it is part of the We Care campaign’s latest project to get our future government to finally act. Here is their manifesto in a nutshell:

  • Publish a National Carers Strategy.
  • Reform the Carers Allowance so carers can survive.
  • Increase funding available to deliver adult social care.
  • Create a duty of care on the NHS to identify carers.
  • Give carers breaks.

Do something positive in the run up to the General Election, visit the We Care Campaign’s website here and read their manifesto here. Your future self will thank you!

n18c

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6 responses to “Running on empty”

    • Hello 🙂
      They mention increasing the carers allowance which would be a good start:) Training would be great too… it will be a long haul to get all the support carers need.

      Thank you for reading, as always!
      L x

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      • I find you posts not only thought provoking but inspirational, I had a cataract operation other week arrived to be told because of heart issues they left me till last as the resuscitation team were coming up from theatre. I friend took me brought me home as husband had his leg amputated as we were left unsupported we stayed on our feet. only his ligaments and tendons collapsed by time he told me it was too late. Carers allowance is a benefit and as we are both over age of retirement you dont get it . Family dynamics have changed in the past 150 years there are no longer spinster daughters or families who live in the same village anymore . families are smaller, and women work some by choice but most because of necessity to make ends meet. Mens jobs are disappearing as heavy industry ends so the man being a bread winner supporting his family is consigned to history. while any government gets our services for free that’s what they will do. Of course that is just the opinion of a carer whose last respite break was September 2019. We are victims of a system that is slowly killing us to save money.

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  2. I am a Carer who does not claim Carers Allowance. You could say I am “lucky” because the little work I can do from home provides ba much reduced income and dignity. Yet, for the rest of it, I completely recognize. Twice I was scheduled for cover so I could take 2-3 days leave to see family and that was cancelled at last minute due to lack of carers. I am taking a break after 3 years of caring after making my own arrangements. I have saved hard for it…again, it could be seen as fortunate as I can do that when many cannot, but I know I am in danger of burning out without respite and experience has taught me I could not rely on support. I do get (for now) 3 hours respite a week. The only time I can switch off completely from my care responsibilities. I fractured my arm two weeks ago and my records show that an alert was raised to say it is likely that I may need additional support and that I had left someone at home unattended. Without me phoning a neighbor and friends myself, that would not have happened. I learn from that the carrying a Carers card to alert services you may need support in those situations does not actually appear to instigate anything. Maybe because I fractured my wrist on a Friday afternoon. As you say, Carers do not get a weekend off yet buservices close down.

    It is relentless , exhausting and we are Running on Empty.

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