It has been a while since I last shared some grandma-isms. I write down all the funny things she says so here are the latest things she has uttered that won’t get either of us cancelled. I hope you enjoy 🙂

—

‘The nuns are selling Canipus!’ Said grandma as I put a plateful of biscuits down next to her one evening.

‘Is that a flower?’ I asked

‘No, it is drugs!’

‘I think it is pronounced Cannabis.’ I chuckled

—

‘What did you have for your pub lunch?’ I asked after she’d been invited out for her birthday by the neighbour.

‘I had chicken drizzle.’ Said grandma, as she sat down heavily in her chair.

‘Drizzle?’ I asked , confused.

‘Yes, it drizzled.’

‘I don’t know what you mean. Was it wet?’

‘It sizzled.’

‘Ok, that makes more sense.’ I said as I put her favourite blanket round her, she was definitely due a post lunch and wine nap.

—

‘I wish we had a Waitrose. It’s a shop I’ve always fancied.’ Out of nowhere, one evening.

—

‘Laura, can you go round the neighbour’s to pick up a cake. It has given her food poisoning and she wants us to have it.’

‘So it can poison us too?!’

‘Well, she said it was very nice. And we can’t be rude.’

‘‘I’ll go, but I’m putting it straight in the bin.’

—

‘ Laura, do you have enough knickers for India?’ *Very* loudly in Marks &Spencer ‘s as I was preparing for a work trip.

—

‘Grandma, did you know Cher is 77 years old!’ I said as she was on television one evening.

‘Is he?!’

—

I’ve recently got grandma set up with online banking as the local bank branch is closing. She was very quiet during the appointment, clearly not understanding what I was doing despite my best explanations. I could tell she was thinking about it for a while afterwards. A few days later, as I was doing her morning routine she asked: ‘Is my money now in the clouds?’

—

‘Do you like this show grandma?‘ I asked as we were watching a documentary on big crocs.

‘It’s OK, I wish the crocodile would chase him a bit. That would liven things up.’

—

‘I got told I looked like death today.’ I said as I was cooking lunch one weekend after my usual hike.

‘Hmmm‘ Was the reply.

‘What do you think?‘

‘Well, they’re not wrong.‘

I thought this was particularly harsh as she’s practically blind.

—

‘I like a really gaudy bathroom mat!’ As I was describing bed sheets to her.

—

By far the funniest thing that grandma has done recently is going to slowly answer the door twice in a day when the doorbell hadn’t rung. When I asked her what she was doing she said she’d confused the doorbell ringing on her TV drama with ours. We still giggle about that one.

I’m lucky that grandma is unintentionally very funny and I try to find the funny side of things as much as possible- a vital skill for any unpaid carer.