I’m dealing with a full blown rebellion. Since turning 99, grandma has gone from toddler behaviour to teenager behaviour. I’m dealing with a nonagenarian teenager – a nonager – if you will. She has been using her age to justify her unruly behaviour, much to my amusement. This does mean I have to do more supervising to prevent mishaps, but overall, grandma’s teenage behaviour is endearing.

She has been using her advanced age to justify the following ‘bad’ behaviour:

• Exercises: we have been doing a little evening workout for years. It involves getting up and sitting down 10 times and doing 5 laps of the living room. This was recommended by the doctor after her first bad bout of pneumonia to get her mobility back and her lungs functioning properly again. She’s usually very disciplined about this little routine but she has refused to do it for a few weeks now. For no other reason than ‘being idle’. I’m letting this go for now… I don’t have the energy to coax her out of her chair after a long day at work.
• Wine: grandma loves her wine. She likes it red, any kind, and lots of it. She is usually quite good at sticking to her self-imposed two glass limit at lunch, but since her birthday, all bets are off. She’s not even trying to be discreet about it, and will insist on me pouring her a third glass, defiantly saying: ‘I’m 99 and being naughty!’ She’s (somewhat) capable of pouring herself a glass so I’m not always there when it happens. I can always tell though, as she’s wobbling all over the place and will be covered in bruises from bumping into walls and tables etc.
• Pills: I put her pills out in the morning and she is usually pretty good about taking them. But, you guessed it, not so much anymore. I’m much more strict on the pill front so I insist she take them and will watch her begrudgingly swallow them.
• Diet: I’m grandma’s cook and make sure she eats healthily. I’ve had no complaints and grandma eats well. She has taken to requesting her favourites in advance, like some posh lady of the house telling her cook what she wants for the week. I don’t mind that bit and I’m glad she likes my cooking. Recently, she has taken to not eating the fruit I prepare for her at breakfast. This is how our conversation goes most mornings: ‘Grandma, why aren’t you eating fruit?‘ I ask, looking at the uneaten remains of the breakfast plate. ‘I had marmalade.‘ Is grandma’s answer from her chair in the living room, where she is cosily sipping coffee. I sigh: ‘ I know, but that’s not fruit.‘ ‘Well… it is oranges.‘ Is the answer I get. Her biscuit consumption has also definitely increased.
• Skincare: I have made grandma moisturise since I became her carer, her skin is so thin that she gets cuts easily and, even she admits, it feels better after we do her morning skincare routine. Since she has been quite good about it recently, I have let her do it herself and discovered she has been faking it. Hilariously, she has been pretending to put her creams on by opening the pots and closing them for my benefit as she knows I can hear her when I’m washing up in the kitchen. I caught her red-handed, she was very surprised but eventually confessed. She accused me of spying on her, which I was doing, to be fair. I have now taken charge of the skincare again. I only do this so she can convincingly lie to the dermatologist when we go to her post skin cancer check ups.

When I ask her why she is being naughty, she says she doesn’t know but she clearly enjoys it. I find it funny too and a bit baffling as most of her ‘misbehaving’ doesn’t benefit her. Maybe she’s trying to remind me that she’s the boss…like I could ever forget!