My right shoulder is killing me. It started last Tuesday morning , I was going through my always-full inbox and I felt my muscles tighten, squeezing what I presume is a nerve. As the pain started to grow, I sighed as I tried to relax my shoulders.

‘Eugh…Not again…‘ I said to myself.

I’ve had this dull, aching pain for several days running from my right shoulder down my arm, I also sometimes have a tingling sensation in my fingers and turning my head in either direction causes very sharp pain. This has been happening on and off for about a year now. I think it is stress. I carry all my tension in my shoulder and have to consciously try to relax them every half hour or so throughout the day. I also ball my fists, every time I go to grab something, I realise that my hands are tightly clenched up.

With two more-than-full-time jobs, it is no wonder I feel stressed. I’m constantly in demand at work and have to care for grandma at the same time. There is no downtime or way to decompress after work (although I have thought of throwing my laptop out of the window a few times- not sure that counts…) so my shoulders stay tight and fists balled up. I’m very disciplined about doing a quick 20 minute pilates workout most evenings and have been trying out various stretches to ease the pain and get some movement back. It has mixed results, and the next email landing in my inbox has the potential to ruin my efforts.

This is just the latest example of the physical toll of being a working unpaid carer, I’ve been very on edge recently. I cry several times a day and have no patience. I hide this all very well of course, everyday I give Oscar-worthy performances of being fine to colleagues and even grandma has no idea I’m really struggling. The tension I feel staying firmly in my body, tightening and squeezing my muscles. I now understand why 600 people a day stop working to care for their loved ones, my situation feels increasingly untenable and I’m hanging on by my fingernails. Despite everything, I refuse to give up my job as it is the only thing from my pre-carer life and it saves me from the poverty trap the UK government forces unpaid carers into. I’ll keep hanging on and crumbling until the end and I’ll pay the (health) price when I get my life back.

My isolated situation makes things worse because not many people can relate (being a working parent is stressful, but not the same thing. Yes, that is a hill I’m willing to die on) and don’t want to constantly moan at my remaining friends, it isn’t very attractive, so I don’t talk to them about it. I moan about it in this blog, lucky you!

If my body keeps crumbling, I’ll have to brave the GP receptionist. I’ll beg for my blood test results while I’m there, and enquire about this scan I’m supposed to be getting but no appointment letter has arrived yet.

If you know any exercises to relax tense shoulders, please let me know! I’m going back to my shoulder-tightening never-ending to-do list.