Last week, I was invited to speak at Carers UK’s State of Caring Conference. I took part in a panel discussion with two other carers to share what our daily lives are like and what help we need the most. I was a bit nervous logging on to the call as I was having a busy day at work and there is no such thing as a lunch break in my company. I wasn’t worried about grandma’s potential interruptions, I had already made her lunch so she was having her post wine-with-lunch snooze.

I was concerned about what I would be saying and if it would resonate with anyone on the panel. I needn’t have been anxious. Our discussion was expertly guided, and I felt comfortable sharing my experiences. My favourite part of the panel was that I could relate to the others’ experiences and they could relate to mine. It was great to feel understood and remind myself that others are going through the same things I am. The loneliness of mine and most carers’ situations means we often don’t feel part of conversations because we’re removed from what most would consider ‘normal’ life. I can rarely relate to my friends’ conversations anymore, I can understand them intellectually and empathise, but because we don’t have the same shared experiences, I can’t truly relate to what they’re going through.

On the panel, I found myself nodding my head vigorously in agreement to what was being said and felt I was part of a community. I felt comforted and understood after the call, something that is so important on a human level, that we often forget and that we take for granted.

Community, and the need to invest in and value it, could also be part of the solution to the caring issues we face as a society. In Emily Kenway’s (excellent) book ‘Who Cares‘ she explores the concept of ‘commons care’ or ‘commoning’ which is essentially the act of caring and looking out for each in our communities, more or less formally. It sounds simple and something we all do, but in our individualistic society, that values freedom and independence above all, this concept in practice is harder to achieve. If we all looked out for each other and checked in on each other a bit more, the care burden could be shared and, crucially, understood by everyone to create a better way forward. We’re all likely to need care at some point in our lives, so this approach would benefit us all.

P.S: The C word I reference in the title is ‘Community’ – to be *crystal* clear 🙂