I went to India last week, not for a restful holiday, but for work. After overcoming my care plan falling through at the last minute, I boarded the first plane of my journey somewhat reassured that Grandma was going to be OK and that a solution had been found. I tried to relax at the airport as there was nothing I could do and had a very intense work week to focus on.

On the rare occasions I go on work trips, I try to keep the fact that I’m a carer a secret. I try to avoid it possibly coming up in conversation, I don’t want my colleagues and bosses to think I can’t do my job and, frankly, it is none of their business.

Inevitably though, like all best laid plans, my caring secret came out on the first night when I was having dinner with my boss, my boss’s boss, and my boss’s boss’s boss. The main people I didn’t want to find out. My manager knows my situation and is very supportive. She asked me how my grandmother was doing and it led to my having to reveal my caring ‘secret’. I got the usual surprised looks and the barely-concealed pity in their voices saying how awful it must be and asking why I’m in the situation I’m in. All very well-meaning, I’m used to this reaction and expertly gave my usual non-answers before changing the subject.

I can’t remember exactly how my caring responsibilities came up for the second time during the week, but I was pleased it did as I got a very different reaction. I was working with my Indian teammates, and their reaction to finding out I look after my grandmother was decidedly more positive than that of my American colleagues. They all thought it was wonderful and…completely normal. I found out they all looked after their elderly relatives with the help of their parents and fully expected to look after their parents when they got old.

That reaction surprised and delighted me, I didn’t have to over-explain myself or be defensive. I could freely talk without being judged and we happily swapped tips on elderly care. In turn, my colleagues were shocked that looking after and living with elderly relatives is not common in the West and not considered normal.

I thought about this a lot during my very uncomfortable long flights back to Manchester; what if there was another way? What if we looked at how other societies view caring and how they treat their loved ones who need help? What if we were less individualistic and didn’t consider caring a burden?

If caring was normalised, our society would adapt and the load would be more evenly shared. There would also be less stigma around it; instead of patting carers on the back and driving them into poverty like we currently do, if we all got stuck in, we’d create a much better, fairer and efficient system.

I realise this is wishful thinking, but I miraculously survived a trip in a rickshaw on the insanely crowded roads in Bangalore roads so I feel anything is possible after that!