You know what really pisses me off? Whenever I type the word ‘carer’, it autocorrects to ‘career’. Apart from the annoying practicality of having to correct the word each time, it implies that the word isn’t a recognised one and therefore, not a real thing. And irony of ironies, it changes the word to ‘career’ – something that the majority of carers have had to give up.

For the avoidance of doubt, here is what the official definition of a carer is in the Oxford dictionary: a person, either a member of the family or somebody who is paid, who takes care of a sick or old person at home. Apart from the being paid part, that is an accurate description.

There are a lot of things that enrage me as a carer, some of them detailed in my previous blog posts. I hate injustice and I feel I’m stuck in a permanent state of it. Everyday, whenever I have time to think for any length of time at mine and millions of other unpaid carers’ situations, or read another completely scandalous situation a carer is battling the system about, I feel this wave of rage build up inside of me. It is an exhausting state to be in, and I have to catch myself if I feel I’m getting too carried away with my thoughts. Rage and chronic anxiety don’t go together very well.

It does, however, have some advantages, being fuelled by rage makes you act. Be it writing this blog when I could be having a much needed Sunday afternoon nap (Grandma is watching a World Cup rugby game- she’s currently shouting abuse at all the players. A good sign she’s fine.), or trying to get different carer projects off the ground that I really don’t have time to focus on. That’s the only thing I can do, translate my rage into action. It will probably be futile but I have to try.

Rage is also a handy emotion when you feel like giving up. I feel that sense of hopelessness a lot, but rage has a great way of firing me up to keep going. It is probably not something doctors or psychologists would recommend as a good state to be in, it is very stressful, but I have to work with what I have.

Aside from rage, I am also fuelled by endless cups of tea, that I mostly don’t have time to drink, and regular consumption of dark chocolate. Probably a bit healthier.